your father wanted to be called "the inventor" for a reason

um, what the fuck? i was looking through some seriously old papers and i came accross a page that had some kind of lyric on it, so i take a good look and am swiftly thrown into confusion. i seriously could not believe that this was mine, so i google searched a couple lines, hoping it was some song i was listening to at the time. apparently not.

now, i have absolutely no recollection of writing this and i can't even imagine it coming out of my head. was i on crack? i know i'm not a poet, but holy fucking god, this is some shitty shit.

i believe it says
"tell me again
tell me the story
the creature you nearly slaughtered
was it on your throne?
invisible rays of cosmic stirring
did not correct this flaw"

hm, yes. very profound, rach. next time show your work, you moron.


daralee Fallin said...

you're so hard on yourself my love...

Anonymous said...

Actually....... it's not THAT bad.

However, the poem could achieve a degree of personality and personal feeling by, ironically speaking, leaving out the personal term 'me'. Try to avoid the words "I' 'you' 'me', 'we', anything that's describe selves, and rather focus on the interaction, the emotion, and so on.

Also, the angst is quite good, but a bit more rhyme should've been employed.


You may know who I am. But I can only wait.

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