now, i have absolutely no recollection of writing this and i can't even imagine it coming out of my head. was i on crack? i know i'm not a poet, but holy fucking god, this is some shitty shit.
i believe it says
"tell me again
tell me the story
the creature you nearly slaughtered
was it on your throne?
invisible rays of cosmic stirring
did not correct this flaw"
hm, yes. very profound, rach. next time show your work, you moron.
2 comments:
you're so hard on yourself my love...
Actually....... it's not THAT bad.
However, the poem could achieve a degree of personality and personal feeling by, ironically speaking, leaving out the personal term 'me'. Try to avoid the words "I' 'you' 'me', 'we', anything that's describe selves, and rather focus on the interaction, the emotion, and so on.
Also, the angst is quite good, but a bit more rhyme should've been employed.
~
You may know who I am. But I can only wait.
Post a Comment